


Lingering Dreams of Christmas Wishes

by Nahiel



Series: Childish Things [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Developing Relationship, Eventual Romance, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-06-19 19:58:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15517449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nahiel/pseuds/Nahiel
Summary: Harry is mostly adjusted to the relationship he's formed with Luna and Draco, even if he is feeling things for Draco that he's not quite ready to face, and even if this new friendship is straining his relationship with Ron and Hermione. And he might want more out of this whole arrangement than he's currently getting, but it's working out just fine. It's helping, and that's the important thing.And then the Christmas Holidays hit, and Harry is faced with a choice he's not nearly ready to make: Christmas with the Weasleys, or Christmas alone at Hogwarts. Because of course Draco and Luna aren't going to stay with him. They have their own families to attend to, right? And it would be the height of selfishness for Harry to ask them to stay.If there's one thing that Harry's never been, it's selfish, and he's not going to change that now, even though all he wants is for them to stay.





	1. Chapter 1

By now, Harry was used to waking up in the Room of Requirement, and was adjusting to waking up curled close to Draco, sometimes even wrapped around Draco. This morning was one such morning when he woke up in that way, and in the metaphorical cold light of day, without being in his more childlike state of mind, Harry was startled by a flash of wanting, the likes of which he wasn’t accustomed to.

He didn’t think it was a sexual want, but he supposed he couldn’t be certain. Either way, he swallowed around a suddenly dry throat. “Oh,” he whispered to himself.

“Are you okay?” Luna asked, making Harry jump.

“I’m good!” He forced himself to relax so that his sudden tension didn’t wake Draco. The blonde was sleeping so peacefully in his arms that Harry thought it would be a crime to disturb him.

“You are,” Luna agreed. She settled next to him and ruffled his hair. “You’re a very good boy. But that wasn’t quite what I meant.”

Harry opened his mouth to explain that he’d meant to answer her question, but before he could, he was interrupted by Draco mumbling, “Harry doesn’t like to tell the truth about his physical or emotional state.” His lips brushed against Harry’s arm with every word he spoke. “But he makes a wonderful pillow.” He sat up, yawned, and raked his fingers through his sleep-tossed hair. The smile he sent to Harry was warm and soft.

“I’m fine,” Harry tried again, refusing to acknowledge how much he wanted to just sink into Draco’s smile. “Really.” At the disbelieving look he got from Draco, and the patient smile he received from Luna, Harry sighed and sat up. “I will be fine, anyway,” he muttered.

“You know that you can always come to us, right?” Draco asked, his grey eyes darkening with concern. “And you know that we won’t tell anyone.”

Harry knew. That had been the first rule he and Draco had established, and when she’d joined them a little under a month ago, Luna had agreed to follow it as well. They never talked about what happened in the Room, never even thought about using it as a threat against each other.

“I know,” he said, and offered them both a small smile. It must not have reached his eyes, because neither of their nervous expressions eased at all.

Luna ruffled his hair again, and just for a second, Harry wanted nothing more than to forget going to class for the day and make an early weekend of it. He could just stay in the Room of Requirement with the both of them, and…

Instead, he forced himself to pull away from Draco and stand up. “It’s getting close to breakfast time,” he said as he stretched. “We should get going if we don’t want to be late.”

“Convenient how you only worry about being late when there’s a conversation you don’t want to have,” Draco said dryly. He opened his mouth again, like he was thinking about saying something else, then shook his head, closed his mouth, and left after changing from the Room’s pajamas into his uniform.

Luna sighed. “Want me to walk you to the Great Hall?” she asked, her back turned to give Harry some privacy.

Harry shook his head as he changed into his own uniform. Then he remembered that she wasn’t looking, and couldn’t see his response. “Better not,” he said. “Ron already thinks I’m spending nights with a girl, so—”

“Technically, you are,” Luna pointed out. She wore a dreamy little smile when she turned around.

Harry laughed, the sound escaping him before he could stop it. “I think that we both know this isn’t anything like what Ron thinks is going on.” Not that Harry was entirely certain of what, exactly, Ron thought was going on. Probably something sexual, which couldn’t have been further from the truth.

“Ron can think whatever he wants to think, as long as you and I know the truth.” Luna took Harry’s hand, threading her fingers through his own, and began to gently pull him out of the Room of Requirement.

As always these days, when Luna took charge, Harry felt almost compelled to listen. It was a little frightening how easily he gave in to her wishes, and how much he found himself wanting to call her something starting with an ‘m’ rather than her name.

The walk to the Great Hall was pleasant, but, unfortunately, Harry had been right. As soon as he and Luna walked into the Great Hall together, hand in hand, Ron’s teasing had started. Maybe he meant it kindly, and maybe Harry would have been okay with it if he hadn’t seen the look of absolute betrayal that flashed across Draco’s face as they came in together.

But he had seen, and Ron didn’t seem to be particularly kind about his teasing, and the guilt that Harry was feeling made something awful squirm in the pit of Harry’s stomach, making him more irritable than normal. “Would you just drop it, Ron?” Harry snapped as breakfast came to a close.

Ron scowled at him. “I thought getting laid regularly would help improve your mood, not make it worse,” he sniffed.

“For the last time, I’m not getting laid regularly!” Harry shouted, and only realized that he’d done so when the Great Hall fell silent around him.

He groaned and let his head drop to the table, even as Headmistress McGonagall said dryly, “As fascinating as that news is, Mr. Potter, ten points from Gryffindor.”

And to think, he’d started the day in such a good mood. Could it get any worse?

ooOOooOOoo

Of course it could. Harry stared blankly down at his dinner, wondering what he was going to do. It hadn’t been so bad, last year, because he hadn’t exactly had a lot of options, but this year…

“Harry,” Hermione gently prompted. The look in her eyes said that she’d been trying to get his attention for some time.

“Sorry, what?” He tried his hardest to refocus on the conversation around him and took a bit of his food. It tasted like ash in his mouth, and felt like glue. He forced himself to swallow it anyway, not wanting to worry anyone more than they probably already were.

“Ron was just asking why you looked so upset when you saw the Christmas stay list,” she said. “You know that Molly wants us to come stay with her and Arthur, right?”

“Yeah,” Harry muttered. Of course she did. He looked down at his mostly-full plate and pushed it aside. He didn’t think he’d be able to eat anything more, not with the way he was feeling. “I’m just not sure that I’m going to go.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know if you’re going?” Indignant offense dripped from Ron’s every word. “What, now that you don’t need us to save the world, the Weasleys aren’t good enough for you?”

“That’s not it,” Harry said quickly. “Ron, I love your family, and you know that you’re my best friend.”

“Am I?” Ron stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork, then let his fork clatter against his plate. “Because Harry, mate, I don’t feel like your best friend. You’re snappy, you’re hiding things, I’m not sure where you’re sleeping, exactly, and now you’re thinking of not coming over for Christmas? What the hell?”

As Ron’s litany grew, Harry found himself shrinking more and more in on himself, burning from the weight of the stares of the other students in the Great Hall, which was nearly full. “Sorry,” he whispered once Ron had finished, not sure what else he could say.

“Harry, what Ron is trying to say is that we’re worried about you,” Hermione tried.

Harry pushed his plate even further away from himself and stood. “I’m fine,” he said, and walked away before Ron or Hermione could say anything else. He thought briefly about signing up to stay then and there, but decided to give it a day or so to make sure that was what he really wanted.

Instead of signing up, he headed back to the Tower, showered, and put on tomorrow’s clothes. He grabbed his bag, just in case he decided to go to Hogsmeade on the following day, and left the Tower before anyone else could show up. He wasn’t up for another argument, and he was tired.

When he got to the Room, it was empty. Harry wasn’t surprised; Luna and Draco didn’t normally wind up there until later in the evening. He looked around the room, trying to decide what to do with himself until they got there. As always, there were two sets of pajamas waiting, as well as all the toys and book he and Draco liked best when they were playing. None of it was particularly appealing. Harry did spot a familiar bit of white fluff in the corner, looking like it had been crumpled up and forgotten, and Harry ached with the need to go try it on.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath to refocus himself and push down the need, and then decided to work on a Charms essay that was due Monday. It didn’t take him too long to finish once he’d started, or maybe he rushed through it, but either way, he finished it before anyone else showed up, and he didn’t have any other homework to do before Monday morning.

He was done. He could change into his pajamas now, if he wanted. The thought felt wrong, for some strange reason.

He’d just moved towards them anyway when the door opened and Draco stepped in, closing it behind him. “Harry,” Draco said, the word stiff and awkward.

Even at the start of this, he hadn’t sounded so strained when he greeted Harry. “Draco,” Harry replied uncertainly. “Are you…” He stopped, not sure what he was trying to ask.

“I was hoping you’d be here,” Draco said, his voice still stiff. “I just wanted to make sure that I was still welcome with you, and that I wasn’t intruding on the relationship you’re building with Luna.”

“The… the what?” Harry stared at Draco, his eyes wide. Did Draco think that they were together?

Draco looked up, his grey eyes flashing. “Don’t play dumb,” he sneered, a thread of their old animosity entering his voice. Harry flinched to hear it. “You walked into the Great Hall with her, holding her hand. What else am I to think, Potter?”

The words hurt, especially on top of everything else that had gone wrong today, and Harry wasn’t expecting it, not here, not in what had become a safe space for him, with someone he’d thought was at least a friend. His vision started to blur, and Harry turned his back so that Draco wouldn’t see the tears that started to fall. He felt very lonely, suddenly, and more ashamed of himself than he had ever felt before. He hunched in on himself, curling up like he had when Ron had yelled at him.

“Nothing’s happening between me and her,” he forced out, and hoped that he didn’t sound as sad as he felt, that his tears couldn’t be heard.

Apparently they could, because he heard Draco let out a startled sound behind him. “Are you… Harry, are you crying?”

Harry took off his glasses and scrubbed at his eyes with his free hand. “Who cares?” he asked, his voice still choked. The tears were still falling, and his sleeve was soaked with them. He almost wished that he’d been smart enough to change into his pajamas, but he couldn’t imagine feeling any more vulnerable than he already did.

“I do,” Draco said, his voice coming from just behind him. Harry barely had time to tense up before Draco’s arms wound around him from behind. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to make you cry.”

Harry turned in his arms and buried his head in Draco’s shoulder. “You were mean!” he wailed, the sound escaping him without his permission. His fingers clenched in the softness of Draco’s robes.

Draco winced, and his arms tightened around Harry. “I’m sorry!” his voice was choking up, Harry could hear it. “I was just upset; I never meant to make you cry!”

And that hurt too, even if it wasn’t Draco’s fault that Harry had misunderstood, that he’d started to think that maybe, just maybe, he and Draco could have had something. Still, even though it wasn’t Draco’s fault, Harry couldn’t stop himself from crying harder, crumpling in Draco’s arms.

“Boys, is everything okay?” Luna’s voice was unexpected, but Harry thought maybe it shouldn’t have been. It was probably about time for her to get there.

“I was mean to Harry and I made him cry and now he won’t stop!” Draco’s words tumbled out in a panicked flurry, and Harry felt unbearably guilty for making him more upset.

Paradoxically, it only made him cry harder. “S-s-sorry!” he sobbed.

“Oh dear,” Luna murmured. “Let’s see if we can’t get him to calm down, hmm?” Fabric rustled, and then Luna said, “Bring him to me, please, Draco.”

“Yes, M… Luna,” Draco agreed. “C’mon Harry, let’s get you moving.” He backed up a step, and Harry followed, still clinging tightly, his shoulders still shaking with the force of his sobs.

“‘m trying to stop,” he managed to choke out, even as they stopped moving.

“Baby, you don’t have to try,” Luna crooned. “You can cry as much as you need, and Draco and I will still be right here with you.”

“She’s right,” Draco agreed.

He tipped Harry down, and Harry was startled to land halfway on the couch, and most of the way in Luna’s lap. He pulled away from Draco and latched onto Luna immediately, his tears flowing freely. Something soft wrapped around his shoulders and Luna pulled it tight around him, tucking the ends in. It made Harry feel warm, and safe.

His tears slowed, gradually, until he was letting out just the occasional sniffle. He kept his face buried in Luna’s now-soggy shirt, because he didn’t want to face either of them. He didn’t know if he could.

“Seems like you’ve had a tough day,” Luna murmured. She made Harry look up and smoothed his hair back from his face. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and asked, “Can you tell us about it?”

Harry felt very small in her arms, and had the most absurd urge to put something, like his thumb, in his mouth so that he couldn’t answer. He fought it back and just shook his head.

“Okay,” Luna murmured. “Do you trust me, Harry?” she asked.

What kind of a question was that? Of course he did! In spite of not saying a word, his expression must have said everything, because Luna smiled at him. “I think Harry needs something a little different tonight,” she said to Draco. “Are you up for something new?”

“For Harry, of course,” Draco said. He was sitting on the floor by the couch, and Harry realized that his fingers were tangled with the hem of Harry’s robe.

“Harry, can you stand?” Luna’s voice was careful and kind as she asked the question. “We need to leave the Room for just a moment.”

Harry stood, but it was shakier than he’d expected. Draco stood as well and wrapped an arm around Harry, lending him support as they left the room. Luna emerged seconds later, Harry and Draco’s bags in her hands. She set them down beside them, considered what she was doing, and began to pace.

While she re-set the room, Draco whispered to him, “I really am sorry, Harry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Harry didn’t answer out loud. Instead, he shifted closer to Draco and let his head rest on the other’s shoulder.

“Come on, you two,” Luna said softly. She opened the door, and they followed her in. Draco made a small, interested noise while Harry froze.

A large crib-like bed dominated the room, made of white wood. The bedding inside was so, so soft looking, and blue like the sky. A lazy mobile of celestial objects circled above it, one of the wizarding ones that took up most of the ceiling. And most importantly, there were two plush onesies waiting, just like the one that Harry had longed to try on for so long, folded up. Harry almost didn’t notice the pacifiers on top of each outfit, but he did see them, and his heart stuttered with nerves.

Still… he couldn’t stop the soft, wanting noise that escaped him. He wanted this, more than he could have ever imagined.

“I thought this might be good for tonight,” Luna murmured. She didn’t sound smug at having been right, but was definitely pleased. “Can you two dress yourselves, or do you need help?”

“I can,” Draco said, and grabbed one of the fluffy onesies. “So soft,” he breathed, and snuggled it against his cheek.

Harry stepped forward and reached out, a little shakily. He let out another small sound when his fingers connected with the other set. Draco was right. They were very soft, soft enough that his fingers were sinking in.

“Harry?” Luna prompted. Her voice was still so gentle, so very nonjudgmental. If she’d been the slightest bit dubious, Harry would never have been able to let things continue, not with the way he was feeling.

As it was, he found tears spilling down his cheeks again, though he couldn’t exactly have said why. Luna rushed forward to hug him close, anyway. “Too tired to do it alone, sweetheart?” she asked, her voice warm.

Harry didn’t bother to try to answer. He just let her help him into the onesie, which was every bit as soft and warm as it looked. A soft and white stuffed kitten was pressed into his arms, and Harry snuggled it close. When she gave him the pacifier, he only hesitated a second before letting her put it in his mouth. It felt strange, but good, and he played with it with his tongue for a bit before he started to suck. He didn’t even realize he’d stopped crying until after he was tucked into the bed, Draco curled up on the other side, Luna settled in between them.

“Everyone comfortable?” Luna asked. Draco nodded, and Harry hummed around his pacifier. He was very tired, he thought maybe because of all of his crying. He didn’t know how long he’d be able to stay awake to savor this experience, and he wanted to, desperately.

“Then I’m going to tell you both a story,” she said, her voice going soft. “It’s about a lonely unicorn foal who lost his herd, and tried everything he could to find them…”

The story sounded interesting, but Harry didn’t hear much of it. He drifted off to sleep fairly quickly, his arms locked around the plush kitten he’d been given, his head filled with the images of a lonely unicorn wandering the forest, searching for his family.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Harry woke wrapped in a warm embrace, his head buried in plush, white fabric. Draco. He was cuddling with Draco again, and wasn’t that a mistake waiting to happen? After as awful a day as yesterday had been…

But Harry couldn't bring himself to pull away. He couldn’t bear to give up Draco’s warmth, the way his slender fingers were toying with Harry’s hair. He shivered at the feeling and snuggled closer.

“Luna went to get us breakfast from the kitchens,” Draco murmured. “She thinks we need to talk after yesterday, and I find that I agree.”

Harry flinched. He wondered if he could get away with hiding behind his pacifier again. But he didn’t actually want to. He took it out of his mouth and set it aside. “I’m sorry for last night,” he said, without moving out of Draco’s arms.

“Don’t be,” Draco replied immediately. “If you needed it, you needed it.” He smiled at Harry, the expression so warm that Harry wanted nothing more than to keep it there forever. “Do you feel better?”

Harry closed his eyes to consider the question. He was still tired, weary all the way down to his bones, but it didn’t feel as heavy as it had the night before. He was still stressed, still had no idea what he wanted to do about Christmas, but the problems didn’t feel like the mountains they’d been last night. “Much better,” he said finally.

Draco sighed and most of the tension drained from his form. Harry hadn’t even realized it was there until it wasn’t anymore. But then it crept back in, and Draco’s fingers stilled in his hair. “Do you feel up to talking about this?” he asked.

“This?” Harry echoed, his cheeks flushing, his voice slightly higher than normal.

Draco’s laugh was warm, not mocking at all. “Yes Harry,” he said. “This. You and me. What we’re doing together.”

“Acting like children while Luna takes care of us,” Harry said, keeping his face hidden as he did it, his fingers still curled in the softness of Draco’s pajamas. He knew he was playing dense, but he didn’t think he could have the conversation that Draco wanted to. Not yet.

“Okay,” Draco murmured, the tension draining away again. Soft lips brushed against Harry’s forehead. “That’s all it needs to be for now. But when you’re ready, Harry, I’d like to talk about what else we could be.” He didn’t pull away or try to make Harry move, either, which allowed Harry to relax ever so slightly.

“Okay,” Harry said quietly, shyly. Part of him, a very large part, wanted to start that conversation immediately, but he knew that he really wasn’t ready. Instead, he nestled closer and let his eyes drift closed again.

The door opened, and Harry tensed, but remembered that Luna had been getting them breakfast, so he relaxed again. At least, until he heard Draco say, in a voice like winter, “Get out right now.”

Harry’s eyes flew open and he sat up, and all of the blood drained from his face when he found himself staring at Ron and Hermione. He opened his mouth to ask what they were doing here, but no sound came out.

“What the fuck?” Ron asked. His eyes were locked on something to Harry’s side, and Harry followed his gaze right to the pacifier that had been in his mouth all night.

“You both need to leave,” Draco said again. “Now.”

“Harry,” Hermione started. Her eyes were enormous, and were darting around the room, never landing anywhere for more than a second or two. “This is what you’ve been doing every night? And with him, a Death Eater?”

“Please go,” Harry managed to force out, the words garbled around the lump forming in his throat.

“Like hell!” Ron snarled. He stalked into the room, and Harry flinched when he stopped right at Harry’s feet, at the base of the bed. “This is why you don’t want to get back together with Ginny? Because you’re some kind of perverted freak?”

The words hit Harry like a slap in the face. Ron had no idea how painful it was to hear those words, his Uncle’s words, from somebody Harry thought of as a friend. And Harry, who was already still feeling so vulnerable, so small after the night before, couldn’t stop the tears that formed in his eyes.

And then Draco was between them, holding Ron at wandpoint, his face twisted into a snarl. “That’s right, Granger, I was a Death Eater, and right right now your boyfriend is perilously close to finding out how I survived a year in Voldemort’s care.” Draco paused, as though letting that sink in, then roared, “Now get out!”

They, wisely, fled, leaving Harry drawing in shuddering, sobbing breaths. Once the door closed behind them, Harry curled into a fetal position and shoved the pacifier back in his mouth. He was done talking, done dealing with adult problems. He couldn’t do it.

How had they even found him?

Draco pressed something into his hands, the plush kitten he’d cuddled with as he’d fallen to sleep, and Harry clutched it gratefully to his chest. He was covered with a soft blanket, and then Draco was curling carefully around him, his arms safe and warm. He didn’t say anything, but did let one of his hands start tangling with Harry’s hair once more.

When Luna returned, they were still curled up in that position, and Harry was starting to calm down. It wasn’t easy. This room was supposed to be safe for him, and twice now, less than twelve hours apart, he’d been hurt there by people he trusted.

“What happened?” Luna asked, setting down a basket of food and climbing into bed with them. Harry curled close to her and smiled when her fingers joined Draco’s in his hair.

“Ron and Hermione found Harry here,” Draco replied. “It didn’t go well.”

“Oh, Harry,” Luna breathed. “I’m so sorry.” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, and Harry squirmed at the feel of it. It was warm and wonderful, and now he just wondered when he’d lose this, too, because it seemed like nothing good in his life ever lasted.

“It’s time for breakfast, now, even if you are upset,” Luna said after a long, silent moment. Harry winced. He didn’t think he could eat. “I know that Ron and Hermione made you sad, but you didn’t eat much for dinner last night, so you need to eat something now. Even if it’s small.”

Harry honestly didn’t know if he’d be able to eat or not, but he did know that he didn’t want to fight about it. He took the pacifier out of his mouth and sat up. “I’ll try,” he said. “But no promises.”

“That’s all we can ask for,” Luna said with a bright smile. She handed him a sandwich made on soft white bread. “We let you sleep through breakfast, anyway, since it’s a Saturday, so you’ve already missed one meal. If you can eat half of it, I’ll be happy.”

Harry shook his head, not sure if he could even do that. Still, he took a bite, then let that settle in his stomach. It did, and as soon as his nausea abated, he found that he was starving. He devoured the rest of it, and Luna handed him a second sandwich before he could even ask for it. Once he’d finished that one, he leaned back against the pillows that surrounded him with a small, contented sigh, and waited.

It didn’t take long for Luna to ask, “Would you like to talk about last night?”

“What about last night?” Draco asked. “I enjoyed it, but I’ll admit that I don’t think I’d want to do it often. It was a bit too quiet for me.”

“That’s good to know,” Luna said warmly. “Harry? What about you? Do you think you can tell me what you thought about it?”

Harry looked down at his hands, which had found their way around the kitten once more. He was squeezing it so hard, and he forcibly gentled his hold and stroked the kitten’s plush fur. “I liked it,” he said, not looking at either of them. “It helped, at least until Ron and Hermione found us.”

“I’m glad it helped,” Luna replied, and stroked her fingers through his hair. “Do you want to talk about what happened to upset you last night?”

Harry swallowed and continued to stare at his hands. “Christmas is coming up,” he said dully. “And I don’t really want to go to the Weasleys’, especially given what just happened, so I’m probably going to spend it alone here. And it was just… it was really hard to think about last night.”

Luna and Draco made similar sympathetic noises, making Harry laugh a little. “It’s okay,” he said, brightening a little. “I feel like some quiet will do me some good.”

“It’s good to look on the bright side,” Luna said, a small, secretive smile on her lips.

Harry relaxed. “It is, isn’t it?” He managed a smile in return. They didn’t seem to be pitying him, and that was the most important thing. He would hate it if they stayed with him out of pity.

ooOOooOOoo

He didn’t leave the room until after dinner, not for more than a few minutes, anyway. They turned it back into their normal playroom, and Harry had enjoyed himself thoroughly. But now he was feeling significantly less childlike, and he knew that he had to talk to Ron and Hermione. Plus, he wanted to put his name on the holiday stay list before he could be talked out of it. Luna offered to go with him, but Harry turned her down.

He didn’t need help with that.

He took care of the list first, then Harry headed for Gryffindor Tower. It was late, and most students had already gone to bed. As he’d suspected, Ron and Hermione were still awake, probably because they seemed to be waiting for him. Hermione spotted him first, and she laid a restraining hand on Ron’s knee.

“Harry,” she said, her voice cautious. “How are you feeling?”

“Better than earlier,” he said honestly. “You guys caught me at a bad time this morning.”

“So that’s not what you’ve been sneaking off to do?” Ron asked, the words sharp and biting. HIs eyes were dark, and his face was set in a mulish expression of fury.

Harry swallowed. “I didn’t say that.” He dropped his gaze. “What i meant was that I had a rough night last night, and so Draco was feeling a bit protective.”

“From us?” Hermione asked. Harry glanced up at her to find her scowling. “Harry, we’re your friends! Draco doesn’t need to keep you safe from us! And you shouldn’t be spending time with him anyway, especially not when you’re feeling… you know, vulnerable.”

Harry sighed. “Draco and I get along very well. He’s never hurt me when I’m… you know. Feeling… childish.”

“If that’s something you need,” Hermione started, her chin lifting in a challenging expression, “You should come to us. Ron and I could take care of you.”

Harry didn’t try to contain the laugh that bubbled up from his stomach. “Oh, I don’t think so,” he managed to gasp out. The thought of Hermione acting like Luna, or of Ron in Draco’s shoes, was hilarious.

Besides, Hermione’s earlier judgment had already proven how very bad at it she would be. She was just too practical, too down to earth to be good with him when he was feeling childlike.

As he should have known, his laughter offended Hermione. “I could take care of you!” she protested. “I’d be an excellent mother, thank you very much!”

Harry swallowed. “Luna’s not—” Fuck. They hadn’t known about Luna.

“Luna’s involved in this?” Ron growled. “Wow, you really did go to everyone but your two best friends, didn’t you?”

“Even if I’d wanted to talk to you about this, it’s not like you’ve been anything but angry with me lately!” Harry looked away. Why had he thought that talking to them would be a good idea? This was even more of a nightmare than he’d expected.

“Because you’re keeping secrets!” Ron exploded. “You don’t talk to Mione and me, not like you used to, and you’ve changed so much! Nothing’s the way it used to be, Harry, and I’m starting to feel like it never will be again!”

Harry stared at Ron, then said carefully, “It won’t be.” He kept his voice as soothing as he could and added, “We went to war, Ron. I _died,_ and I’m still trying to wrap my head around that. So no, nothing can ever be like it was before last year.”

“But you’re drifting away from us,” Hermione said, a wealth of pain in her voice. “You’re drifting away, and it feels like there’s nothing we can do to bring you back.”

Harry closed his eyes. The worst thing was that she was right. He was drifting away from them. “I don’t know that there is,” he said honestly. “I’m not the person I was before. I don’t want the same things I used to want, and I probably never will. I don’t know what I want in the future.” He swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. “But you two were my first friends, and maybe we aren’t like we were, and maybe we never will be, but I don’t want to lose you.”

“Well, we don’t want to lose you, either,” Ron said. “Which is why you should stop hanging around with Malfoy, before he does something terrible to you.”

Harry was shaking his head before Ron even finished talking. “We’re not doing that,” he said. “You don’t have to interact with him if you don’t want to, but I won’t listen to you badmouth him, either.” He’d been planning to spend the night in the Tower, had told Draco and Luna that he was, but right then, he couldn’t think of anything he less wanted to do. “I’m going to leave, and let you guys think that over.”

“You’re going back to that room?” Ron asked, an ugly tone to his voice.

“Yes,” Harry said. He turned his back on them. “And I think it’s best if I stay here for Christmas.”

“I think you’re right,” Hermione said stiffly. “Just so that we all have time to process this.”

Harry left the tower, his heart aching. He’d wanted the conversation to go much better than it had, but he wasn’t exactly surprised that it had gone poorly. He didn’t even really want to play, but he couldn’t imagine sleeping in the same room as Ron that night, with Ron’s temper the way it was. Maybe he’d get the Room to give him a normal bedroom.

His journey there was quiet, and when he reached it, it should have been more of a surprise than it was to find Draco waiting for him outside of the Room. “Hey,” Draco said, his lips twisted in a small smile.

Harry practically melted in relief at the sight of him. “Hi,” he said. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“I thought maybe you might need some support,” Draco said with a small shrug. “If you hadn’t shown up by midnight, I was going to open the Room for just myself. Do you need the playroom?”

Harry shook his head. “I was just going to ask for a regular bedroom,” he said.

“I’ll set it up, then.” Draco shoved away from the wall and began to pace, then, when the door appeared, he opened it and smiled. “Come on in.”

Harry followed him in and smiled helplessly. The Room had created what Harry assumed was a blend of the Slytherin and Gryffindor dormitories, with one giant bed in the middle. As always, it provided two sets of pajamas for them, these a little bit more adult than the normal ones.

“I know you’re not ready to talk about this,” Draco started, not quite meeting Harry’s eyes, “But you’ve always seemed to sleep better when I’m holding you, so I thought—”

“Thank you,” Harry said, flushing a little. “I could maybe be ready to talk about it.”

A warm hand cupped his cheek, and Draco stroked his thumb over it as he turned Harry’s head to look at him. “Please don’t force yourself; I don’t want this conversation to be a difficult one for you.”

Harry leaned into the touch. “I feel like it won’t be that difficult,” he said. “I mean, I think that you’ve been making it fairly clear how you feel about me. About us. If I’m not misreading the signals you’re giving, anyway.”

Draco smiled at him. “You’re not,” he said. He leaned in, then paused and said, “May I kiss you, Harry?”

Harry’s heart thumped in his chest. “I’d like that,” he whispered, his cheeks heating even more.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Draco said, and then he leaned down all the way and their lips brushed. Then Draco was kissing him more firmly, his lips moving slowly against Harry’s own.

Harry didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but he did his best to mimic Draco’s movements. It felt very nice, warm and sweet. When they parted, Harry let his head rest on Draco’s shoulder.

He didn’t even realize how much he was trembling until Draco asked him, gently, “Are you okay?”

“I think so,” Harry replied. He made himself look up at Draco, and offered him what was probably a shaky smile. “I’ve never… I mean, I’ve kissed before, but that was…” He cleared his throat. “It was really nice.”

Draco just smiled at him. Then he leaned in and did it again, and Harry’s eyes fluttered closed in response. They continued like that for a small slice of eternity, and then, with great reluctance, Draco pulled back. “We should probably stop, before we get carried away.”

Harry blinked. Get carried away? What did he— oh. HIs cheeks must have started turning pink again, because Draco laughed at him. It was a gentle, kind laugh that invited Harry to join in, so he did. They laughed together for a few minutes, then Draco carefully disentangled himself from harry.

Harry thought about protesting, about childishly clinging to Draco, but let that go. He didn’t think it was a good idea to tangle his relationship with Draco up with the way they played together. So he backed up a step instead, and smiled at Draco.

“Time for pajamas, I think,” Draco said into the comfortable silence.

Harry didn’t feel particularly tired, but he supposed it wouldn’t hurt. And the bed did look incredibly comfortable. “Yeah,” he agreed after considering for a long moment. “That sounds nice.”

Harry grabbed the pajamas closest to him and turned his back on Draco to change. He assumed that Draco had done the same, at least until he turned to find Draco still clothed, staring at him from wide grey eyes. Harry blushed violently. “I wasn’t expecting you to look!”

Draco shook out of whatever daze he was trapped in. “I’d apologize, but, well, Slytherin.” He turned his back on Harry and started to strip, and Harry looked away hastily. “You’re really very pretty, Harry.’

Harry blushed again. “Thanks,” he said.

“And such an honorable young man,” Draco teased. You weren’t even tempted to peek, were you?”

Harry shook his head and turned with a smile. “You’ll show me when you’re ready,” he said with a confidence he wasn’t sure he felt.

“I will,” Draco agreed. “Or, perhaps more importantly, I’ll show you when you’re ready for me to show you.” He flopped down on the bed, his arms spread wide. “Come join me?”

Harry didn’t need a second invitation. “Gladly,” he said, and crawled into bed with Draco. He snuggled close to him, savoring the closeness.

“Hey, Harry?” Draco’s fingers started to tangle gently in Harry’s hair.

It was soothing, and Harry was already more tired than he’d thought. Even as his eyes closed, he let out a vaguely inquiring, “Hmm?”

Draco’s lips brushed against his, soft and slow, and Harry smiled sleepily up at him. “We’ll talk in the morning.”

Harry felt a flare of tension. “Everything’s okay?” he asked, waking up a bit more. Had he already made a mistake? He hoped not.

“Everything’s fine,” Draco said quickly. “You haven’t done anything wrong. We should just discuss the intricacies of our relationship, that’s all.”

Harry let himself relax again, let his eyes fall closed. “Sounds good,” he said, and fell asleep with a small smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

In the morning, Harry woke snuggled tightly against Draco. He sighed and let himself melt into Draco’s arms, burying his face in the softness of his pajamas. The Room’s pajamas were always the best. Harry wondered idly where they came from, and if he could maybe find some to purchase after he graduated, even as he snuggled even closer.

“Morning, sleepy,” Draco teased.

Harry smiled sleepily up at him. “Morning,” he said.

“Did you sleep well?” Draco pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s lips after asking the question.

“I did,” Harry replied. He tried to ignore the way that his cheeks heated after the gentle kiss. “Did you?”

“Very well.” Draco kissed him again, then pulled back slowly. “I’d like very much to take you to Hogsmeade today,” he said.

Harry couldn’t ignore the way that he was blushing now. “You mean… you mean like a date?” He asked, his voice squeaking. He wasn’t sure what he thought about that. On the one hand, it sounded like something he might enjoy, but on the other hand, the last thing he wanted was to add any more fuel to the already explosive Hogwarts rumor mill.

“It would be my preference,” Draco said. He shifted closer to Harry, his free arm winding its way around Harry’s waist. “But if you’re not ready for that, I do understand.”

Harry considered it. He didn’t know if he was ready, but then again, if he didn’t try, he might never be ready. “I think I’d like to try,” he said shyly.

“Then why don’t we go change our clothes, get some breakfast, and we’ll meet up around eleven?”

“That sounds good,” Harry said. He leaned up and stole a kiss of his own, then pulled away from Draco regretfully. “I’ll see you then?” he asked awkwardly, even as he gathered up his clothing to change.

“Absolutely.” Harry let out a small squeak as he was abruptly spun into Draco’s arms and kissed until he was breathless.

Then he was pushed back, gently, and Draco started to gather his own clothes. Harry stood there, dumbfounded, until Draco started to change, then he quickly started changing into his own regular clothes.

When they left the Room of Requirement, both were smiling.

ooOOooOOoo

Harry was more confused than anything when he reached the Great Hall later that morning, only to find the end of the Gryffindor table engulfed in what looked like a portable privacy ward. He shrugged and sat across from Neville, who smiled at him in greeting.

“What’s going on there?” Harry asked, and nodded at the ward.

Neville shrugged. “Luna pulled them both into it,” he said. “Ron and Hermione, I mean. I have no idea what she wants with them, but she doesn’t exactly seem thrilled.”

Harry had the sinking suspicion that he knew exactly what Luna wanted, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he gave Neville a somewhat sickly smile and hoped that he was wrong. He was pretty sure that he wasn’t. That certainty increased when the ward collapsed, revealing a very shaken Ron and Hermione, and an incredibly calm Luna. She ruffled Harry’s hair as she passed him on the way back to her table.

Neither Ron nor Hermione looked at him for the remainder of the meal.

ooOOooOOoo

Harry thought that their date was going very well. They walked hand in hand to Hogsmeade, and there weren’t too many students who stopped to stare at them. They wandered through Zonko’s, though Harry thought it wasn’t as nice as George’s shop, and then Draco bought him a giant square of chocolate.

They went to the Three Broomsticks for lunch, which went slightly less well, since there were a lot of students there to stare at them. Harry wished that he’d taken the time to learn privacy wards, because they would have been useful. But then their food arrived, and Draco raised wards of his own, sealing them off from prying eyes and listening ears.

“Thanks” Harry said. He smiled. “I think that’s something I should learn to do, since I’m really not fond of being out in public.”

Draco smiled back. “Probably not a bad idea for you,” he agreed. Then his smile faded and he leaned forward slightly. “Harry, while we’re here, I thought that maybe we could talk.”

Harry fought down the instinctive panic that rose within him at the words. “This does seem like a good time and place,” he said. Draco didn’t want to stop their relationship before it even started. Harry knew that, so he didn’t understand why he was panicking.

“It’s nothing bad,” Draco said. He extended a hand to Harry, and Harry took it, glad for the anchor. “I just thought that, given the nature of our relationship with Luna, it might be a good idea to talk about boundaries.”

Harry relaxed even further. He took a bite of his sandwich, then, after swallowing, said, “That does sound like a good idea.”

“I don’t know how comfortable I am with the idea of doing anything romantic with you when you’re feeling particularly childlike,” Draco said. “You just… sometimes, especially like Friday night, you seem to fall fairly deeply into that state, and I wouldn’t want to… not when…” He let out a frustrated sigh and shoved a bite of his pasta into his mouth.

“You’re right,” Harry said. “I don’t feel…” He let out a small, irritated huff. “When I’m like that, I don’t think I feel romantic or sexual attraction. It’s… simple, I guess. I see you, and I like you, and I trust you, so I’m happy to be with you and I like to snuggle with you. I don’t think I’d want anything more than that.”

Draco squeezed his hand. “And that’s perfectly okay. Draco looked like he was considering another question, so Harry waited.

He thought he might be expected to come up with concerns of his own, but at the moment, he couldn’t think of any. So Harry just waited patiently while Draco considered his next concern.

“I have… not a concern really, but a question about when we’re playing with Luna,” Draco said after the silence had stretched to an almost uncomfortable length. “Do you think you feel up to talking about it?”

Harry hesitated. “I”ll try,” he said finally. The thought of actually talking about what they did made a knot rise up in his stomach, but he knew that they should probably talk about it anyway.

“When we’re with Luna, do you just like playing, or do you actually feel younger?” Draco held Harry’s gaze as he asked the question, making Harry think uncomfortably of legilimency.

So he closed his eyes as he considered it. “I didn’t exactly have a normal childhood,” he said haltingly. “So it’s hard for me to say. But I think it’s more the second than the first.” He looked down at what remained of his sandwich. Suddenly, it didn’t look appealing at all.

Draco squeezed his hand, and when Harry glanced up at him, the blond was smiling. “And that’s okay,” he said gently. “You aren’t doing anything wrong.” He smoothed a thumb over Harry’s hand.

Harry felt himself starting to relax again. “Okay,” he said, a bit shyly. Then, quietly, he asked, “What about you? What do you feel like when we’re playing?”

Draco’s smile softened. “It’s definitely more of the first for me. Playing with Luna is fun, but I’m still always myself, as I am now. It’s a way for me to let go and have fun, but nothing more.”

Harry frowned down at his food. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” he asked, his heart starting to pound in his chest.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Draco answered. “you’re not hurting anyone, and you seem fine during the day, when you aren’t with Luna. So it’s not like you can’t be an adult, more like you’re choosing not to be.”

Harry looked away, unable to meet Draco’s eyes as he asked, “So you don’t think I’m a f.. a fr… a…” He couldn’t make himself finish the word.

“No,” Draco said firmly. “I don’t think you are.” He shoved his lunch over to Harry’s side of the table, then crowded into the booth next to him, where he wrapped an arm around Harry’s shoulders.

Harry leaned into him and picked at his sandwich as his tension drained away. The rest of lunch passed peacefully, and when they made their way back to Hogwarts in the late afternoon, Harry was in a much better mood. Maybe it hadn’t been a better day, but it had been a very good one.

ooOOooOOoo

When Harry got to the Room that night, Luna was already there. She was sitting at the table that he and Draco normally colored at, smiling in that mysterious way of hers.

“Come sit with me,” Luna suggested, and patted the seat next to her. “I thought we’d talk before Draco got here, since I think there’s a conversation that you’d like to have with me.”

Harry swallowed to moisten his suddenly-dry throat. “Yeah,” he said, a bit hoarsely. He settled at the table and asked, “What did you say to Ron and Hermione this morning?”

Her smile deepened. “Nothing too terrible,” she reassured him. “I just reminded them that everyone is different, and we all cope with trauma in our own ways.” She paused, then added, “And I reminded them that people with perfectly good childhoods shouldn’t pick on the way those without choose to deal with their issues.”

Harry flushed. “How did you know?” He tried so hard not to let his life with the Dursleys affect him, and it was frustrating to know that he wasn’t actually succeeding.

“Do you want me to answer?” she asked. “Because I will, but that probably won’t help you to avoid showing the signs, if that’s what you’re after.”

That was a little more ominous than Harry would have expected. “Please,” he said. Even if he couldn’t stop himself from giving away his past, he thought that he probably still wanted to know.

“You have trouble with food,” she began. “And you don’t even seem to realize it. If you’re upset, you have a lot of difficulty making yourself eat. You don’t ask for help when you’re feeling little, almost like you know it won’t matter because you won’t get the help you need. You expect to be hurt, and you’re always heartbreakingly grateful when either Draco or I give you anything resembling affection.”

Harry stared down at the table as she spoke, and he tried to ignore the way that his eyesight was going blurry. “Oh,” he managed. It hurt to force the word out. “I didn’t—” he stopped and took a deep breath. “I mean, I try, and—”

“It’s okay,” Luna said, her voice gentling. She wrapped her arms around him, and Harry closed his eyes and buried his face in her robes. He’d been doing fine before; why was he crying now? “It’s okay,” she said again, and began to rock him gently. “Mummy’s here, and she won’t let anything hurt you.”

Harry’s eyes snapped open and he stared at Luna, his lips trembling. “You—” He stopped and cleared his throat. “Luna, you—” He couldn’t get the words he wanted out.

Luna smoothed some of his hair back. “It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

Harry closed his eyes and let himself fall forward into her arms. “Yes,” he mumbled.

She hugged him close and kissed him on the forehead, which never failed to make him feel even younger than he was. “Then you have it. I’m not offended at all. In fact, I’m flattered. I know that you don’t truly _need_ this, not with me anyway, but I’m so glad you’ve let me be a part of it.”

“I think I do, though,” Harry said. He pulled back from her and brushed the tears from his eyes. “Need this, I mean. And it was helping before you and Draco joined me, but now it’s so much better. So thank you for this.”

Luna brushed another kiss over his forehead, her smile sweet and fond. “It’s a pleasure,” she said. “You and Draco are honestly very sweet when you’re feeling childlike, so I can assure you that it isn’t a chore.”

Harry flushed again, and tried not to think about how Petunia would have disagreed with that sentiment. Instead, he looked down at the table and cleared his throat. “Should we… I mean, I guess we’re waiting for Draco?”

“He’ll be along,” Luna said. “I asked him to give us a bit, told him that we needed to talk. Which we did, so now we can play if you’d like.“ When Harry opened his mouth to agree, Luna held up one hand. “I just need you to answer one question for me, Harry, and then we’ll play. Can you do that?”

Harry nodded without really thinking about it. “Of course,” he said.

“Did you prefer what we did Friday night to what we normally do?” Luna’s eyes never wavered as she asked the question.

Of course it would be about that. Harry swallowed his nerves and made himself actually consider the question. Finally, quietly, he said, “I liked it a lot, but I don’t know that I would say that I preferred it. I think that it was very peaceful, and I’d like to do it again, but not all the time.” He looked up at her, a little anxious. “Is that okay?”

“Of course,” she said. She pressed another kiss to his forehead and asked, “Do you want to play like that tonight?”

Harry didn’t have to think about that. “No, thank you,” he said, and shook his head.

“Okay,” Luna said. She smiled. “Why don’t you get changed, and then we can play before Draco gets here. Just you and me for a bit.”

Harry nodded and changed into his normal pajamas. By the time Draco arrived, he was halfway through building a massive castle out of bricks, big foam ones that stuck together with magic so that they didn’t collapse. Draco joined him in his venture, and the rest of the night was as peaceful and relaxing as they always were.

ooOOooOOoo

The following week also went fairly well, except that Harry was consumed by a growing sense of dread as Christmas approached. Everyone was leaving on Friday, and as far as he knew, he was one of a very small list of students staying for the holidays. The castle would be practically empty. Normally that was a good thing, but this year…

This year he wasn’t so sure.

Saturday, he planned to go Christmas shopping. He was still intending to buy something for Ron and Hermione, even though things were strained between them and might not improve. And he wanted to pick up presents for Draco and Luna as well, although he wasn’t exactly sure what those gifts would be.

Well, he’d have time to shop tomorrow, after everyone was gone. He just hoped that something jumped out at him, because he didn’t have any clue about what to get them.

That night, Harry had already planned to sleep in the dorms. Draco and Luna would need to be up excessively early to catch the train, and Harry was positive that he would prefer to sleep in so that he didn’t have to watch as everyone…

Anyway, the point was that he went to bed in the Tower, drawing his curtains for privacy. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop someone from knocking on the bed frame and sliding in when Harry mumbled a tired acknowledgement. He woke up when he realized it was Ron. He sat up and rubbed the exhaustion from his eyes.

“I wanted to apologize,” he blurted out before Harry could say anything. “Not for not trusting Malfoy, because I don’t, but for calling you a freak. That was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

“I can’t forgive you for that,” Harry whispered. He looked down at his hands, blurry without his glasses. “I’m not saying never, but right now, it’s too fresh in my mind and it still hurts.” He thought that those words, spoken in Ron’s voice, were going to stay with him for a long time.

“I guess that’s fair.” Ron shifted on the bed. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you couldn’t come to the Burrow for Christmas, you know. Because you still can, even if we’re not exactly talking like we used to. You’re still family.” There was a wooden quality to Ron’s words, like he’d rehearsed what he was saying a thousand times.

“Did Hermione put you up to this?” Harry asked. There was little chance that Ron was here of his own volition.

“Mum did, actually,” Ron mumbled. “She was really upset to hear that we’d fought and that you weren’t coming home with me this Christmas.”

Harry felt a thrill of anxiety at the idea that Molly might know what he was doing, then he made himself let it go. He couldn’t do anything if she did know. Instead, he said quietly, “I’m sorry to upset your mother, but I’m not going to change my mind. I’m staying at Hogwarts this Christmas.”

Ron huffed. “You’re just being stubborn,” he accused. “You’ll be so much better off at home with us,so I don’t know why you won’t come back!”

“Because I don’t want to!” Harry snapped. “I’m allowed to want different things, Ron! I’m allowed to change my mind, to be different from who I used to be! Stop pushing me!”

Ron stared at him through widened eyes. “Okay,” he said quickly. “You’re right. You’re allowed to change your mind, you’re allowed to do whatever you want.” He got up and slid out of Harry’s bed, then turned to frown at him. “But you know, I’m not sure how I feel about who you’re turning into.”

Harry swallowed. “I’m not sure about anything, right now, but I know I need to figure it out. He laid back down and closed his eyes. “Goodnight, Ron. Have a good holiday.”

“You too, Harry.”

The curtain swung closed, leaving Harry in darkness. It was a long time before he fell asleep, and when he woke up, he was alone in Gryffindor Tower, and the school felt empty, and not at all like Christmas.


	4. Chapter 4

He’d slept through breakfast, so Harry wandered down to Hogsmeade without eating. He wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, anyway. He looked through the shops, a bit stumped about what to get for anyone, much less for Draco and Luna. He’d been stumped ever since he’d realized it was getting close to Christmas, but now he really couldn’t afford to put it off any longer. Not if he wanted to give them anything, anyway.

Ron and Hermione were easy enough, even though Harry still wasn’t entirely sure about getting them anything. A nice planner for Hermione, which was generic but Harry at least knew that it would be used. And Ron got an assortment of candy from Honeyduke’s. Also generic, but he would like it.

But Luna and Draco? Harry still didn’t have the faintest idea. He wanted to get them each something more meaningful, and wasn’t that a painful thought? He didn’t mind getting Ron and Hermione generic gifts, but the thought of doing that to Draco and Luna…

Harry shoved the thought aside.

He wandered into a shop he’d never visited before, figuring that it couldn’t hurt to look at this point. It turned out to be a figurine shop, and Harry let himself get lost looking at the delicate crystal figures. He found one of a Thestral, and thought about how much Luna loved creatures that most people didn’t believe in.

He picked it up, and nearly dropped it when the Thestral sprang into motion on its stand, kicking and tossing its head. Harry laughed, enchanted, and carried it up to the counter, which was manned by a bored witch. On the way up, he found a glass cube that contained what looked like a galaxy, all swirling colors and bright stars. It looked like something that Draco might appreciate, and nothing else had appealed to him, so Harry brought that to the counter as well.

The total cost was a bit staggering, and took all of the money that Harry had on him, but it would be worth it if both Luna and Draco enjoyed them. Merlin, he hoped that they did.

ooOOooOOoo

Harry knew that he should try to be social with whatever other students had stuck around for Christmas, but he just wasn’t in the mood to go to the Great Hall. He wasn’t even particularly hungry, but he knew that he needed to eat something, especially since he hadn’t had breakfast or lunch.

Even though they weren’t there, Harry knew that both Luna and Draco would be upset with him for not eating.

So, in spite of his lack of interest in doing so, Harry headed down to the kitchens, where he got some soup and some crusty bread with butter. He took his bounty back up to Gryffindor Tower with him, and tried his hardest to eat it. He made it about halfway through the soup, and he ate even less of the bread. He thought about saving both for the next day and hiding in his room, but he wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea or not.

In the end, he threw it away and went up to his bed. He tried to sleep, but found that he couldn’t. He was tired, but he was also on edge. Maybe he could go to the Room?

He shook the thought off with a groan. No one would be there, and he’d probably feel even more alone if he went.

On the other hand, anything had to be better than spending the rest of the night as miserable as he was. Even if it was empty except for him, the Room would at least offer him some form of diversion. Or, failing that, a comfortable place to try his hardest to sleep.

He’d just gotten up to head to the Room when the portrait hole opened and Headmistress McGonagall swept in. “Do you have a few minutes, Harry?” she asked, her voice soft and kind.

Harry sat down on one of the couches. “Of course, Headmistress.” He waited until she’d settled herself, then asked, “What can I help you with?” And why was she talking to him at night? It wasn’t too late; he hadn’t tried to sleep for that long, but it was definitely the latest he’d seen her outside of emergencies.

“You aren’t sleeping in your bed most nights,” she replied. “There are charms that tell us these things for various reasons. Neither are Draco Malfoy or Luna Lovegood. Were the missing three you, Ron, and Hermione, I might think that you were up to something. As it stands, I confess that I find myself baffled, and a bit concerned.”

Harry swallowed and looked down. “I’m sleeping in the Room of Requirement,” he admitted without looking up. “It’s easier for me to sleep there. I haven’t been doing so well in the dorms.” He hesitated, then added, “I think that I got out of the habit of sleeping around so many people while I was on the run last year. It’s just hard to readjust, you know?”

The Headmistress smiled. “I understand,” she said, with a small nod of her head. “Can you tell me if you know where Ms. Lovegood and Mr. Malfoy are spending their nights?”

Harry dropped his gaze again. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he also didn’t want to be tray secrets that weren’t really his to betray. “I really couldn’t,” he said. Besides, what if she decided that she wasn’t okay with them all spending time together at night? It was a school, and Harry couldn’t blame her if she was a bit touchy about that.

McGonagall cleared her throat. “Harry, I do need to remind you that Ms. Lovegood is still a year younger than you, and while her experiences during the war may have made her more mature—”

“It’s not like that!” Harry yelped, his cheeks flushing brightly. He couldn’t have looked up even if he’d wanted to. “It really isn’t,” he said, a little bit calmer. “We’re not… we’re not doing anything… inappropriate.”

At least, not inappropriate in the way that McGonagall probably meant. She might disapprove of what they were actually doing if she ever found out, but the likelihood of that was pretty slim. Unless Ron or Hermione told her, and thought that made Harry squirm a little.

“I’m glad to hear that,” McGonagall said.

There was an awkward silence between them that stretched out, and then McGonagall laughed softly. “In that case, I’m not entirely sure what you were doing in the Tower tonight. I’d imagine that Luna and Draco are a bit confused, and are probably waiting for you in the Room of Requirement.”

Harry froze, his heart stopping. He looked up at McGonagall and asked, his voice barely above a whisper, “Didn’t they go home for the holidays?”

“They didn’t tell you?” she asked, her eyes widening slightly. When Harry shook his head, she smiled. “They decided to stay just after you signed up to stay yourself. They were the second and third people to put their names on the list. I’m sure that they’ve been looking for you all day.”

Harry swallowed hard. “Oh,” he said, his voice soft and small. He wondered what he looked like, then, because McGonagall almost looked alarmed. But before she could say anything, ask him if he was okay or anything ridiculous like that, Harry jerked to his feet. “I’m just gonna… I’m gonna…” He gestured vaguely at the entrance to the Tower, then fled before McGonagall could say anything else.

He made it to the Room in record time, and it was the work of moments to call up the Room in its proper configuration. Then he opened the door, and found Luna and Draco reading quietly, sitting on opposite ends of the large couch that always dominated the play area.

He swallowed hard, and must have let out a sound because both of their eyes jerked up to meet his own. “You stayed,” he managed to choke out. He took a shaky step into the room, then had to stop because he thought he might pass out. He hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted them to stay until they were there with him, and now his heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest and he was a bit lightheaded with the sheer joy of seeing them.

“Of course we did,” Draco said. His voice was warm and welcoming, and when he stood up and crossed the room to hug Harry, his touch was gentle. “How could we leave you alone for Christmas?”

“But—” Harry stopped talking because he couldn’t force any words out. He leaned into Draco’s arms and buried his head in the blond’s shoulder instead. “I would have been okay,” he managed to choke out after a long minute of savoring the embrace.

“Of course you would have,” Luna said. She wrapped her arms around Harry from behind, and Harry felt her cheek rest against the back of his head. “You’re always fine, aren’t you, Harry?” The words were gently teasing, but they didn’t hurt the way that they might have.

“I try to be,” Harry said, his voice still muffled by Draco’s robes. “And I really would have been, I promise.”

“But you don’t have to be,” Draco whispered. He tilted Harry’s head up and pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s lips. “You don’t have to be okay with us leaving you for Christmas. You’re allowed to want us to be here, you know.”

Harry let out a choked sound and hid his face once more. “I believe you,” he said. He wasn’t sure that he actually did or not, but he knew that he couldn’t take any more kind words at the moment. He was too close to breaking down as it was, and he didn’t want them to think…

To think, what, that he was weak? They’d both already seen him at his absolute worst, sucking on a pacifier all night while he sobbed uncontrollably. And neither one of them had left. Draco had said that he didn’t mind, and Luna had seemed to imply that she liked taking care of him when he was like that. She’d offered to let him call her ‘Mummy,’ and why would she offer that if she didn’t genuinely enjoy taking care of him?

“It’s okay, Harry,” Draco murmured, stroking his back with gentle fingers. “Luna and I are here for you, for whatever you need.”

Harry let himself go, the sobs clawing their way from his throat like monsters he could no longer hold in. He wrapped his fingers around Draco’s robes and clung to him, gasping for breath in between the sobs he was letting out. He couldn’t stop himself, and he didn’t particularly want to try. He was tired and sad and he’d thought he was going to be alone and now he wasn’t and it was all just far too much for him.

“C’mere, baby,” Luna murmured, and tugged gently on him. “Mummy’s got you,” she breathed as Harry obediently tucked himself into her arms and wrapped his own around her.

“Should we reset the Room?” Draco asked, even as he continued to run his fingers up and down Harry’s back.

“I think that’s a fine idea,” Luna replied, her voice still soft, now in a bit of a sing-song tone. “I think my sweet baby’s a bit overwhelmed tonight, and a quiet night is exactly what he needs. Do you want to take him while I do it, or would you like to reset the Room yourself?”

“I can reset it,” Draco said quickly.

Harry barely even registered when they moved him out of the Room, nor did he realize how much or little time passed while Draco got the Room into the right configuration. He just clung to Luna and sobbed, and did as directed when he was helped into the soft warmth of the white onesie. He didn’t protest the pacifier, and snuggled up against Luna in the massive crib-like bed that had once again appeared in the Room.

Draco wrapped himself around him from behind, and Harry let himself cry until he couldn’t cry anymore. Then he lay there, quietly, still sniffling a little bit, but feeling much calmer. He didn’t move from where he clung to Luna, but he did reach behind him for Draco’s hand, which was readily given to him.

“Feeling better?” Luna asked. She continued to thread her fingers through Harry’s hair, her touch gentle.

Harry didn’t know when she’d started, but he knew he never wanted her to stop. It felt so nice, so soft and sweet. He nodded against her shoulder, but he didn’t remove his pacifier. He wasn’t quite ready to talk about it, not yet.

“Good,” Draco whispered. Soft lips grazed against his cheek. “Did you eat dinner tonight?” he asked.

Harry nodded again, his eyes drifting closed. He had eaten some soup. It hadn’t been much, but Draco hadn’t asked him if he’d eaten a lot of soup, just if he’d eaten.

Luna let out a small, amusedly skeptical noise. “Of course you did,” she said. She ruffled his hair with her gentle fingers, then just held him close. “You’ll eat more tomorrow,” she added. “At least two full meals, okay?”

Harry didn’t know about that. Still, he nodded anyway. He’d try. They’d both probably be happy with that.

ooOOooOOoo

The next few days of break went much better than the first day had. Harry was indeed coaxed into eating more, and he did his best to actually eat two full meals worth of food. It wasn’t easy, but he was no longer nearly as upset as he had been, which did seem to help. And Luna was so proud of him when he actually ate.

Part of him wondered if the joy he felt in making her proud was what little kids felt when they made their parents proud. He still felt awkward thinking like that, but Luna seemed to genuinely enjoy taking care of him, and Draco didn’t mind playing little with him, and so Harry did his best to put those thoughts out of his mind.

Christmas Eve was nicer than Harry had ever imagined it would be. Instead of eating with their fellow students in the Great Hall, Luna brought a small feast to them directly in the Room of Requirement. Harry had expected that they would join their fellow students, but when he’d mentioned it to Luna, she’d just laughed quietly and told him that she’d already made arrangements.

Draco had held him close, and, even though Harry hadn’t been feeling particularly little, they’d all spent the night in the Room anyway, with Draco and Harry sharing one bed, and Luna sleeping on the other that the Room had made for them.

It was wonderful.

And on Christmas morning, their gifts were piled at the foot of their beds, just like they would be if they’d slept in their dorms. Harry couldn’t help but smile at the familiar sight.

“This is nice,” Draco said, studying the pile of gifts with his name on it. “I didn’t remember that the elves did this for us.”

“That’s right, you only stayed once, didn’t you?” Harry asked, his words muffled by the yawn he forced them out around. “For the Yule Ball. Luna, did you stay then?”

“I thought about it, but no one wanted to go with me, so I decided to go home.” She was studying the gifts by her bed, a small smile on her face. “This is lovely. I wonder how the elves knew to come here?”

Harry was half-convinced that the house elves knew everything, and if they didn’t, there was a slightly terrifying chance that McGonagall did. “Maybe the Headmistress told them where we were spending our nights?” he suggested.

Draco grimaced. “It really unnerves me that she knows that,” he admitted.

“Well, there’s no point worrying about it on Christmas,” Luna said brightly. She stood, stretched, then plopped down on the floor in front of her presents. “Boys? I’m not going to be the only one opening mine, am I?”

Harry laughed a little and slid down onto the floor, then laughed even more at the sight of Draco settling himself gingerly on the ground. “You play on the floor with me all the time,” he pointed out to Draco, still laughing.

“That’s different,” Draco protested, his cheeks flushing slightly. “I’m being childlike then, and I’m not right now, so it’s a bit more awkward.”

Harry leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, right where he was still slightly flushed. He had the immediate joy of watching Draco’s face flush further, and he ducked his head to hide his smile at the sight.

“Happy Christmas,” he said instead.

“Happy Christmas,” Draco replied.

“Happy Christmas,” Luna added happily. She stood up, pressed a kiss to each of their foreheads, then returned to her seat before either of them could react.

Harry waited quietly until one of the others had started opening their gifts, then started opening his once their attention was fully on their own gifts. He didn’t want to stare at them as they opened his gifts to them, partially because he didn’t want to see their faces if they were disappointed, and partially because he thought he’d probably be quite embarrassed if they did like their gifts.

It was a bit of a lose-lose situation for him.

So instead he focused on his own small pile of gifts. He received a planner from Hermione, and the usual sweater from Mrs. Weasley, along with a letter telling him that he should feel free to talk to her about anything, no matter what fights he got into with Ron. Ron hadn’t sent anything, but that was okay. Harry hadn’t really expected him to. George sent him a box of pranks, which was about par for the course for the prankster.

Harry came to Draco’s gift, and he took a deep breath before opening it. He was startled to find himself looking at a glass figurine from the store where he’d purchased their gifts. This one was a Seeker, hand outstretched to catch a fluttering Golden Snitch done in beautiful crystal. Both the Seeker and the Snitch moved when he was holding the figurine, and both were attached to the base with such a thin strand of crystal that it looked almost like they were truly flying in midair. Harry couldn’t help but smile at the sight of it.

“You like it?” Draco asked. His voice was a little rough, and when Harry looked up at him, he was holding Harry’s galaxy gift in the palm of his hand.

“It’s beautiful,” Harry said honestly. “And you? You like yours?” His voice shook a little as he asked the question; he couldn’t help it. He told himself that he wouldn’t be disappointed if Draco didn’t, because it had been a last minute gift, and—

Draco leaned over and kissed him, the brush of their lips soft and chaste. “I love it,” Draco replied, the words breathed against his lips.

Harry melted against him, then glanced at Luna, who was studying her Thestral figurine with a critical eye. “And you, Luna?” he asked.

“It’s perfect,” Luna replied. She stood up, crossed the room, and settled at his side. She pulled him in to lean against her, then handed him his last present. “You should open this now,” she said.

Harry didn’t have to read the note that came with it to know that it came from Luna. The wrapping, brightly colored and just on the wrong side of garish gave it away. It looked like she’d used old copies of The Quibbler to wrap it, and knowing Luna, she very well might have.

He opened it with fingers that shook only a little bit, and found himself looking at a leather-bound book. He opened the book and his eyes widened. It was pictures of him, at Hogwarts, in various locations, with his friends. There weren’t any before his second year, and Harry realized that Luna must have gotten some of these from Dennis, who probably had all of his brother’s old photos.

“You got these from Dennis?” he asked as he flipped through the book.

“He was happy to donate them to a worthy cause,” Luna confirmed. “He said that Colin would have loved to have some of his photos go to you. And I thought it would be good for you to remember some of the better times at Hogwarts, even if right now things are strained between you and Ron and Hermione.”

Harry didn’t know that things would ever really be fixed between the three of them, but he knew that he was glad for this album. Especially as he got towards the back, and found a few pictures of him and Draco, and one of him and Draco and Luna, where he and Draco were both asleep, each in their more childlike pajamas, and Luna was making a goofy face at the camera, her eyes twinkling with laughter.

“These are wonderful,” Harry said. He closed the book and hugged it tightly to his chest.

“The book is spelled so that only you can open it,” Luna said. She smoothed a hand through his hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “And we can add more pictures to it as we go. And I intend to, just so the both of you know.”

Draco opened his mouth, then closed it and shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “I don’t know how I feel about that,” he admitted. “But as long as no one but Harry can open the album, I suppose I don’t mind too much.”

Luna leaned over and mussed up his hair. “I would never let anything hurt either of my two boys,” she said, her voice graver than the occasion called for. Then she smiled. “Now, who wants Christmas breakfast here in the Room instead of the Great Hall?”

“As if that’s a question you even need to ask,” Draco said with a roll of his eyes.

“I’ll never pick a public place,” Harry said cheerfully. They both knew him better than to expect otherwise.

Luna smiled, snapped her fingers, and a massive breakfast feast appeared. “I figured out that the house elves can, in fact, serve food here, since they brought our gifts in. I arranged it when they were dropping them off earlier this morning,” she said, a pleased smile on her face. “I still don’t know how they knew to find us here, but I was glad that they came.”

Harry hugged his book, then hugged Luna, and then Draco. He managed to eat more that morning than he normally did, and when he was full and the food had disappeared, they reset the Room so that it was their normal playroom, and he spent the day coloring with Draco, monitored by a pleased Luna.

It was the best Christmas he’d had in a very long time, and he was so happy to be spending it with the two who were quickly becoming his two favorite people.


End file.
